“You’re under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago.”
― Alan Watts
I am thirty-five years old. Sometimes I feel old, like I lived an entire life. I even started reminiscing and musing on the past like old men do. Yet, at the same time, I feel energetic, optimistic, and courageous enough to start new undertakings.
The relationship I now find myself in is actually my first long-term commitment to a woman. That is if you don’t count long-distance relationships. I’m learning, it’s fun. It was one of those things I had always wanted to try. We’ve been together for 8 months now and it’s an opportunity for me to grow into the man I’d like to be and Lynn is a patient teacher.
Of course, there are minor concerns and things I’d still like to accomplish. Writing for instance, I picked up the trade years ago but I’m still honing my skills. Rather recently I started photographing and combining the two seems only logical.
I became a vegetarian and I have zero regrets. I’ve been on and off marihuana for over a decade but as of late, I’ve decided to up my game and focus on the task at hand which is shaping and molding my life into something I can be proud of.
Every Tuesday I visit a therapist. This is not something I am ashamed of. I have a complex background and talking to a neutral ally is really helpful! I gain insight during these conversations, things that can help me grow into a responsible and trustworthy man.
Financially I don’t have a lot of room to wiggle but perhaps taking the odd job as a wedding photographer could help solve this. I’d rather have complete artistic freedom but I wouldn’t mind doing it. I even contacted some local photographers for an internship.
So thirty-five. Yeah, I feel old but I realize I’m also awfully young. Young enough to change, young enough to sow seeds and gather the harvest. Life is satisfactory right now. I worry about my smoking, I’m guaranteed to eventually develop a lung disease but quitting this habit is definitely a struggle and I’m barely motivated. My therapist encourages me to do more sports-related activities like I did in the past, this would definitely contribute to my well-being and peace of mind.
I think I’ve grown more patient as a person. I hope to become an even more mild-mannered and patient individual. Firstly I’m becoming more patient with myself, I realize things take time. And that’s the greatest gift to myself and something I had to learn the hard way. Youth really is wasted on the young but at thirty-five I can still reinvent myself.
And to end on a positive note, I’m growing into a wonderful chef! I like to try new recipes and cooking for others really is a delight! Visitors are always welcome.